Morbidly Morose Monday

This was not a productive day. I did work. I did get the foundations of some solid protocols figured out. I wrote out entry lists and observations that need to be taken throughout the year. I did some reading of a manual I'm studying also. But I did have the TV roaring in the background. It acted as my radio. A distraction that would sweep away my mind if ever I started to think of anything unpleasant. Which was happening a bit. It started when I started to imagine how my aunt is dead and that she won't be around anymore. Then it branched into general thoughts of death and how much of a bummer it will be to be dead. You miss literally everything. I started to realize that I'm not ready in any sense to die. Although my existence may seem inconsequential, it's mine and I am enjoying it. In a more practical sense I still haven't completed my last will and testament. It floated back to top of mind briefly before the holidays as my parents have made me executor of their estate. The morose and morbid atmosphere I've been ensconcing myself in these past 12 hours or so have done little to make me forget that I'm not done that yet. I already know who will be my executor. A level headed person who will definitely outlive me, I have a myriad of options. I did manage to finish the available season of Mr Robot this evening. So that is another psychologically disturbing show that I can notch my belt for. I'm not actually notching my belt, although, it would be cool to have something to notch, but only if you knew what each notch represented. Otherwise I'd just have a chewed up belt or walking stick or home-made book case style shelf. Speaking of unusual behaviour, I sprayed myself with Axe today. My Mom got it for me for Christmas for some reason, so I figured I'd use it. It lingers still in the hallway where I administered it, about fourteen hours later. Impeccable staying power. It is very strong. I feel like a teenager again. And with that, I close the post.