Wasted Independence — The Tugboat

I woke up in a funk. There was no drive to get out of bed at all. I didn’t have anything that I desperately needed to do today so I just watched YouTube and rolled around in my bed. I felt off. I was lacking motivation and feeling depressed but also somewhat physically ill. I attribute both to having an awful sleep. I didn’t get to sleep until after midnight and then was awake around six. That should be enough sleep for me but for some reason I just felt crappy.

Before I left I intentionally let the foodstuffs dwindle. Then as a final power move I tossed out any perishable items that were borderline or headed there. That meant I had empty crispers for the first time in a year. Lots of sauces in the door though, trademark of a single man. By the time I had enough drive to feed myself it was after one. I ate some leftover wedges and some more muffins. That combo was not wise. I felt even worse after that. But I was able to sneak in a short nap. That just tied into more malaise and lazy behaviour. I decided around six to make some food and warmed up some of the chicken tournedo, scallop potatoes (maybe with onion), and vegetable supreme that Mother had sent with me. I’m not sure if it was the muffin overload or if I didn’t warm this stuff enough, or if the long drive at room temperatue was a factor but that meal didn’t sit right for a second. I went downstairs and started watching the movie Nobody when I trusted the wrong fart more than I should have. Nothing gross happened, I just had to hustle to the nearby toilet to relieve myself. And it did bring relief. I felt more myself for the first time all day. I enjoyed the film and felt more vibrant afterwards. I went so far as to rent a second picture, choosing Wrath of Man as the second component of my double feature. I enjoyed both movies but won’t say much at this point since they are both fairly freshly released and I don’t want to spoile anything for anyone. I couldn’t say which I liked better, much the same as you don’t pick a favourite child. The second one ended around ten and it was straight to bed for me. Thankfully I was able to keep my mind quiet from around ten thirty and beyond. It was a wholly useless and wasted day but I’m through to see the next one. And it will be back to work for real, ugh.