December 2005 — The Tugboat

December 31. 2005

The final night of the year and I can't help but feel restless. I early made the mistake of pondering the year. Why is that a mistake you ask? When you reflect on a year and try and decipher some purpose or motive to your actions it can be a depressing activity. If you try and discover some set of accomplishments or deeper truth to all that transpired you may find yourself holding the short straw in this game of life. None of the preceding means much but I was looking back at the year and I didn't really pick out any huge highlights or low-lights. It just seemed to pass by as a mundane blur. I guess that is a rite of passage as you get older that your years become more and more the same. All the highs and lows seem to flatten and the one time enormous fluctuations between the peaks and the valleys of life seem to meld into a constant hum. Maybe it is life's grand scheme to balance the good and the bad or maybe memories are more fleeting as responsibilities add up on my plate. My shelter of school and childhood are growing thin to the point where I can see through to the other side and see what is waiting for me there. All melodramas aside I can say that this prolonged visit to home is very different than past visits and not only because the cows are gone. You begin to see everything in different lights. I won't elaborate much on that but I know that everyone experiences this. It's part of growing up and gaining independence and then returning to a time and place when you had less. You are used to doing things your way and your parents are used to you doing things their way. It's all just a regular thing for people, I just had the chance, as I stayed home last night, to ponder it all. I didn't just sit around and ponder the whole night away mind you, I played poker with family and then watched a much anticipated hockey game between the Canadian juniors and the american juniors. We won, although we were the underdogs. I also started watching the NHL game that was on but thought I'd enjoy sleep more. I went to bed at half past ten and for the third straight year ignored all the fanfare of ringing in the new year. It is a mean nothing holiday to me, just an excuse to have a party and since I don't drink and no longer relish the company of drunks I stayed home and spent the so-called holiday with my parents. I have no regret for that. I'm getting tired of this rant and all that it represents (this edition, not overall) and I'll cut myself off at this juncture before I get any more dramatic and philosophical. Alas, Happy New Year.

December 27, 2005

I'm coming to you live from Guelph tonight. You may be wondering why I'm back so soon. It is because I volunteered to help my aunt and her fiancée move his stuff from here back to the great white north. He has had some health problems and can't do much lifting so my brute force is being put to good use. This turn of events, unfortunately, has caused me to miss our annual family hockey game and also the first ever family basketball game, both at rented venues. I was deeply saddened by this but I had given my word and I stick to it. I'm a selfless man of honour and I don't mind saying it here.

Christmas. I have lived through the triple turkey dinner and I can tell people about it. Xmas eve was at my house and featured my Mom's family. It was good. Xmas morning held some pleasant surprises and some good cheer all around. The post gift opening breakfast at my grandma's was delightful and as usually a good feed and time. Xmas dinner was at the Mayor's and presented good times for all. The second turkey was good as were the accompanying dishes. A stirring hockey game followed which was in the format of a best of 5 series. Dave and I triumphed over Megan and Phil in the first meeting of these rival team compositions in many years. (Chew on that sentence.) Boxing Day was a relaxing time all day which lead into the full blown Phillips family dinner. The over thirty pound turkey was excellent and the sides were also superb. The usual after dinner hockey game was forgone in lieu of watching the juniors play at my house. A stogie was smoked and hockey was watched. I had to hit the hay early to be ready for my journey to the south, where I am now.

For the remainder of the holidays I plan to lay low and get my haircut. Anything beyond that is bonus. New Year's is expected to be a huge flop again as it was last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, and the three years before that. That is a challenge to any readers to try and get something down. That is all I have time for this evening. Good night and a happy holidays to all you out there.

December 16, 2005

Well the big dude has landed back at home. It only took double the time too. Due to the snowing and traffic problems around the GTA yesterday it took us damn near 12 hours to get home. We arrived in the wee hours of the morning. It was a painful ride. Today I slept in and then had to go to my grandma's to eat as there was no food here. In the afternoon I washed walls in the basement. The floor improvement and ceiling jobs are complete and they look pretty good. I'm to paint and repair the walls and then it should look better. I'm also going to re-arrange the furniture. It will be a lot of hard work but it should improve the quality of life for the family. Anyways, I'm supposed to see about a cigar this evening so I'm going to head into town for a bit. Hope everyone else's return to the mother land goes more smoothly than my return. Side note, the last exam went pretty crappy, but I'm confident I passed. Main point: good night and you know it.

December 13, 2005

Its now the eve of my final finals so to speak. Protein and Oils Seeds followed by Introductory Food Processing. Both required courses. I've passed them both already but it good to ace exams, or so I'm told. I've been looking over the same pages for a couple of days now and I've caught everything that I would have otherwise missed. I'm pretty confident about the tests. They're probably throw me a curve and crush me but c'est la vie. In other news my holidays aren't going to be as care-free as I had once hoped. I was talking with my mother, the giver of life, last night and we made plans to re-do our basement. Well, more like to do our basement since the 20 year old primer on the walls is a sore need of a coat of paint. This week they have someone in doing the flooring and later in the week some dude is coming to make a new ceiling, well a ceiling since there is nothing right now. You're sitting there wondering how there could be nothing on a basement. There is something obviously but its just the kitchen floor, among the floors of the other rooms. So once that is all done up I'll be doing some dry-walling and then some priming and finally painting. I will be doing the same to my old bedroom so that it can function as a guest room. I'll be boxing up my childhood memorabilia while I'm there also (trophies, pictures, etc.). It should be a good time and will keep me busy. I'm going to throw out most of the stuff in the basement too and make it more livable. It's going to be like The Learning Channel, which doesn't show educational shows anymore, just shows about home repair and decorating, or various "stories" which range from dating to babies. Anyways, they tell me that my time is up and that I have to get back to the books. They, of course, being the voices in my head. Does the plural imply I'm crazy? Who knows?

December 11, 2005

Well it happened just like I predicted. Sports Saturday died. It's a tragic turn of events that was unavoidable. Everyone dropped out at the last minute and I didn't have the heart or the high spirits needed to go to the park myself and carry on the tradition. There is hope of a resurrection next semester or even over the holidays. The holidays are fast approaching. I started studying for my last two exams yesterday. Things are looking promising for both tests. I just can't wait to get through them and get home to the nothingness of the holidays. It will be the first time in years that I can just sit around and put my feet up for a week or more. I sleep a needless amount last night and I don't know why. I guess all that learning really tuckered me out. I'm getting back to work now, just a quick update for the readers to get a pulse on the day to days of the almighty Phillips.

December 9, 2005

I'm half done the quest for glory now. The heat is on so to speak. I really tore up the exam yesterday. I was lethal for it. My paper and presentation mark that make up a substantial portion of my final grade were also re-graded and the marks raised. This means I had a much higher mark going into the exam, I had easily passed the course already. That as a huge relief and made my day. I was in a very good mood last night and celebrated by doing nothing but watching TV. That was pretty much all I could do since everyone around me was either studying like mad, writing an exam or gone out of the house. I was home alone and I was pretty lonely, all pumped up and no where to go. It was pretty heart-breaking. More heart breaking however was the powerful ending of Without a Trace. It really hit me hard. None of my faithful followers probably saw it but it was a real moment for me. After I got over that I went straight to sleep and woke up at six this morning. I don't know why, I guess when seven hours are up so am I. I got out of the house twice today, once for lunch and to buy Brown's Christmas gift and the other for a ride to go pick up his new car. It was exciting. He has had it since Monday but it was in the shop for some pre-cautionary check thing. It was good to get out of the house. Tomorrow I hope to have a Sports Saturday but the prospects are grim. I might just have my own sporting events and forego the others. Nobody else wants to participate anyways, and I do mean no one. Well, it was a good dream while it lasted. I guess I've caught up to the present time and should probably bow out gracefully here. I will, good night all.

December 7, 2005

Well I'm on the move here. Really flying with the studying. I'm though the first of four exams. It went well I think. Round two is tomorrow and preparation is sluggish. I'm a bit worried about this one. It is one of my lower marks going in. I've been reading the notes non-stop from both halves. I'm not too sure if it's cumulative or not. I've emailed a fellow student to see if I can find out. Here's hoping. Life is a bit dismal, I acquired a good swath of DVD's these past days, mostly new releases. They will all fit in nicely with my collection. Other than that my life has been pretty boring for the last few days and I'm sure it will be until I'm finished with this exam business. I go to sleep around eleven each night and I rise around seven each morning. I roll around until eight when I get up and start studying. This is my most productive time. Afternoon is sketchy at best for productivity and then I bear down after supper until the show of the night comes on and then it's a write-off after that. The material is boring and I'm just bored with studying. I find myself wishing that I had my truck again so I could just get into it and drive off somewhere for a while. We haven't left Guelph in months. Annie is too busy with school to go anywhere and every spare minute Brown has he goes to see his girlfriend, rightfully so. That leaves us with public transportation, which is suspect at best as you know. I did get out last week and went to the show. I went to see Rent with my friend Joanne. I'm glad I went it was an experience. Singing is not my favourite but I gutted it out. Well, I'm fresh out of new material here.

December 5, 2005

This post will serve as an update and also could be marking the end of an era. I speak of course of my passion, Sports Saturday. Attendance in recent weeks has been acceptable at best but the mental effort that turns out is scaring me. It now takes longer and longer to get the participants to come out. They tried to call it for the year last week but I would have none of that. Now in the face of exams they are using excuses as crutches to hobble out. This is the most important time of year to do the sports, as a way to get your mind of school for an hour or two. Without the balance Sports Saturday brings there can only be trouble, mental trouble. I fear for the longevity of this 7 week tradition. I want to continue it over the holidays but people have made the case that its not the same. The location isn't, the people might not be, but that's not what Sports Saturday is. Sports Saturday is an idea, its a concept of camaraderie (?) among men, women, and children. It's more a way of life than a simple afternoon that you have to be forced into. If no one else will stand up and live the dream with me then I'll be forced to do it myself. If that's what it takes to keep the dream alive then so be it. I choose to live this way. I choose to live like a free man, free of the constraints of school or work. I will do what needs to be done, you can rest assured of that; even if it costs me everything, it will get done. That is my dream, this is my rant.

December 4, 2005

I was up before the sun today. Why? I don't know. Cosmic forces saw fit to wake me at that ungodly hour. It was a beautiful sunrise. The light spilling over the horizon like a boiling pot of water which has reached its tolerance point for heat and is frothing over onto the stove. The sky was slightly overcast and the wispy clouds acted as conductors to spread the light. The colors were nothing but spectacular but the knowledge that few people are seeing what I was seeing was more than enough to make up for that. It's nice to know you're part of something special like that. I think the studying for finals is getting to me already. I don't know how I just started yesterday but the familiarity of it is the bad part. The memories of years past, with the anxiety and worrying day and night about how was I going to do. I just can't shake that feeling, it's inexplicable. I've already passed 3 of my courses before the final and I very may well have passed all of them but I don't know my marks for the food class. Yet I still worry about how I'm going to do. This is just not right. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that is worrying like this and having a hard time focusing. Maybe it was the thai food I had last night, perhaps its messing with my mind. I just don't know anymore.

I downloaded and listened to he Encore album by Eminem and realized I don't even like Eminem. His albums are the same crap over and over again, recycled for the next crowd of mindless teenagers to listen to. To make them feel like they're tough and they're better than their parents and that all their problems are somebody else's fault. I never listened to him while I was impressionable. I never even listened to him in high school, it was the summer after and the great white Villnerd bought a cd. Sure I had heard some songs but one song doesn't convey his message of poor me, my family wasn't good to me. Anyways, enough of that, time to hit the books here. I have two finals coming this week and not much time to prepare for them. See you on the other side.

December 1, 2005

Read November 29th, by clicking on the November 2005 link. It's a good one. I have gotten some rave reviews about my so-called politically charged posting. Five out of six readers agree with me, mostly young people mind you but 5 of 6 nonetheless. The one against me is none other than Brown. He is a die hard Liberal supporter that argues that the parties aren't even close to being the same on the issues. He brings up gay marriage which seems to be a hot button issue once again. That is the only one that I can think of. He also mentioned the tax cuts proposed by the Conservatives but I got him with the reminder of the Bush tax cuts. He still maintains that everyone will get a fair shake but I know better. One reader felt the post was a bit exaggerated but was an exaggerator also so liked it overall. I admit that its a bit far-fetched but what can you do about it. It's my opinion and when I wrote it I was in a politician hating place. I do that, I am human after all and my moods sometimes dictate the madness that is spilled into text here. I was not trying to offend anyone but I have to admit that it was fiery and well-written post. If you disagree; there's the door, don't let it hit your fanny on the way out. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I need your loyal readership to maintain my integrity. Ok, now I'm confusing myself with this nonsense. So I go from a post that made sense and was valid with current events to this maniacal wandering. Either way, it makes me feel like I did something today. Good night and peace out.